“Vodka >= God”

My experiment with liquor.

“Can I join you?” These were the words to a bunch of sophisticated girls (indicated by short and skimpy clothes) of a shy village boy in a dance club. And guess what was the answer ..?????

It was my visit to my native after 2 years; bloody job steals everything from you and puts some currency in your pocket to keep you alive to be slave of the company owners so called “the haves”. But thanks to Rajat who succumb to the force called marriage form Suchi and decided to get married and I got reason to go north India: May Vodka keeps him happy!!

Before going to north I decided to prepare for his marriage and the upcoming critical analysis of my looks, clothes, behavior and interpersonal skills form all: my mom, granny, relatives, friends and all loved ones. I was really scared of the fact that job had taken away lot of my flash, and everybody will expect gift, specially my two sisters (cousin) who had already ordered one dress each and by default sari will be in the list of all my aunts.

I very well knew how to put on weight, because we (me and friends) had done only that in college. So I joined the gym, increased diet but fatless content. Second thing and more importantly I thought of doing experiment with alcohol this time: I was teetotaler and heard so many benefits of it.

I first started with beer, brought 2 canes of Kingfisher premium the day my both roommates were not home. If they knew they would have kicked me out without giving me chance to explain. I opened the cane premium “Oh hell it stinks!!” I somehow put it in my mouth but went directly to sink to spit it out: it was bitter than Neem. I opened fridge and opened Sprite bottle (thanks to Joshda my roomy who loves cold drinks) and took one sip of it and than tried to mix beer with it in my mouth. I could have thrown it and drank Sprite, but the male ego inside me didn’t allow me to throw the cow pee (both taste same, once my mom made me drink cow pee to make me pure).

After lot of struggle I finished the cane but nothing happened I was sober no shaking of feet, mind and all senses working perfectly fine, I got to know this after I tried to call “her”, I picked phone search “her” number but couldn’t press the button call, that’s the point, I cant call when I am not drunk neither I can when I finished cane, it doesn’t work. But my nose was making me uncomfortable because I was not able to stand my own stinking mouth. I ate every spice at home to get rid of it: finally onion worked out which again is pungent so I ate toothpaste to mitigate effect, now I think my senses were really out. Alcohol doesn’t work that way so I gave in. Now my only hope was one of my very close friends “Mayank” who had good hands on things my mom says no to.

I plan to go to Gurgaon four days early to have crash course on alcohol from him.

First I met with my uncle who lives in Gurgaon shared emotions collected from last two years with everybody, at first kids didn’t recognize me but after 4-5 hours I was donkey and they were riding on me, seeing the laugher of kids and the love I firmly believed in institution of marriage and even planned for at least one daughter in my family. Suddenly I remembered that I came there for alcohol but hooked with ice creams, chocolates and kids, then the Sunday came and Mayank came to pick me up. I saw him he looked different like a grown up man with wide shoulders black goggles instead of thick glass and was looking dashing; I first thought is it the alcohol or he got somebody special. Anyway he took me to his room: I felt relaxed because it was A/C; I opened fridge to have water but I got lost in bottles of different brands of alcohol but couldn’t find water bottle, now I was confirmed that the secret of glow on his face was this fridge.

Without wasting time Mayank asked his friend come cousin come roommate to have it started; he opened the fridge but none of the bottles were having enough liquor to suffice, he took all the bottles and mixed it in jug and put cold drink in it. I asked him what drink was that, he said “Jaljeera” which in sophisticated language is cocktail. With shaking hand I took up glass, stick it to lips and had a sip, the smell went in to my nose numbing it and the liquid burned my tongue from its root in my deep throat, but I liked it. It was kind a virgin girl exposed to love making. Snacks and the Jaljeera was our brunch that day. I passed qualifying test to Mayank’s class, but one thing I noticed that Jaljeera worked as lubricant and I became fluent in English within an hours of its intake. I wished I would have taken this in college time, may be I could have talked to “her”, what village boy needs to boost confidence “the English”. I danced regardless anybody joined or not, I did lift barbell to exercise and made a record of 300 at a time. I knew what I was doing but I loved loosing myself.

Our next destination was to see the chicks of Gurgaon, he took me to the biggest toll of Asia and the biggest mall of Asia “the Ambiance mall”. It was yet not rush hour but I was astonished to see the beauty of Gurgaon, worst thing living in south India is your flavor gets changed form strawberry to chocolate. I couldn’t bear the beauty, I felt shy when I saw kids looking at me (I consider girl students as kids especially below 18), the way they were dressed up my god! You could easily tell their size man.

We entered the mall and started eye surfing standing near the center. There was music and somebody was shouting something on a stage: nearby few of his colleagues were doing weird exercises to promote their fitness center. Suddenly the announcer came near us and took us to the stage and asked to do crunches. Three of our competitor were already there, he asked our name and asked us to start, I hid behind Mayank, we hadn’t eaten anything, did lot of dance and exercise how could we beat the muscle man who was already ready to rock. Anyway we passed ball on them saying we will do at last.

First guy with good build and overconfidence came and did 57 crunches, thanks to cocktail which made us stand there not run. The anchor said next, Mayank pushed me and I laid down to save myself form insult. As I started, I made easily 20 the cocktail in my vain was so strong that I didn’t feel tiredness and I thought I could make thousand at a time but later on succumb at 75, Mayank crossed 50; I won Nike t-shirt making highest and he got towel for crossing 50, we were overwhelmed by winning and moreover making personal best in our lives. I was slowly recognizing the power of liquor and how Vijay Malya collected the fortune.

I saw my foots going toward the girls promoting fitness center, may be the cheer form the crowed and liquor in my vain was bringing male inside me at its best, I went to them and asked them if they had some water, which they didn't have but my thirst was gone just talking to those angelic beauties.

Our next target was bowling center; this was my first time I went to any bowling centers, bloody ball cost us 500 bucks just to throw 20 times and the wired shoes cost 35 bucks a pair (just to wear once), but you enjoy watching balls (of the female participants nearby you) more then just playing ball, so it worth that much. I was happy because I won the match and was more happy playing it and watching. Sometime my mom’s words “only one is yours and every other woman in the world is your sister” were making me uncomfortable to watch the balls or the women who wear “watch me” dresses. I was saying in my head “mom I can’t see that hotty as my sister, may be she is the one you were talking about”.

We returned his residence and had dinner, by the time the divine effect of alchemy of Jaljeera was gone. Suddenly “Mr. A.” friend of his dropped in with his girl friend both drunk, I got to know this by seeing only the millimeters of distance between them and guys playful hand on girl’s open waist: moreover the English the guy was speaking and girl’s gestures to suppress the effect and show sober confirmed me. They asked for drink again but fortunately we had nothing in fridge: We emptied it in the day and there left some beer bottles, which they opened and offered me. I reminded the taste once I had it so denied politely. Now they offered to show us night life of Gurgaon, means dance clubs promising free entry. Mayank said “You both go man! They wont let us enter, you know about couple entry and I am not yet gay with pc (my nick name)”, and we laughed. He said he knows the owner well and goes every week he will get us enter.

We changed the clothes; I saw his girl friend turning into hot girl wearing “mini skirt and skimpy upper”, it did not surprise me because within few hours I became habitual of that kind of sight and I said in head “you are right mom!! I have to consider her as my sister after all friend’s friend’s girl friend she is”

This time we picked car “Mr. A” took the steering: Who I did not believe could drive in this condition; but to console myself and confident him I said we have full confidence in him he only should drive. On the way we checked the papers were not in the car. With such a driver no papers…! I caught my heart tight, with the gone effect of liquor the fear crept inside me; I was like superhero that lost all his powers. We reached the building where the Disco club was located, with the weird driving and more weird talks of Mr. A our entry pass.

They picked the beer bottle and we stepped in the lift. We all went to rest room there they opened the bottle everybody drank and insisted on me saying you can’t enjoy without it. I said I enjoy dancing so would not be big deal and avoided cow pee.

Now we all went to the entry gate but the bouncers didn’t allow two people with just one couple, then “Mr. A” called up the guy he know, and made him talk to the fellow but they said they will allow only one. So I was odd man out by choice. I was becoming nervous after the effect of Jaljeera was gone; I couldn’t stand there embarrassed seeing “Mr.A” arguing hard with the fellow. Finally I pulled off and sat there, they discussed with whatever brain alcohol had left in them. Finally they decided to go in and send “Mr. A’s” girl friend Miss K out to take me in.

They went in and I went someplace alone started thinking “mom would you ever allow me to come here drunk to dance with half necked girls?? In first place would you ever allow me to drink?’ I was lost in my own world, and Miss K called me, I took off my cap (taken form 1920 fashion), put confident smile on my face and went in. The fellow put a stamp on my hand and asked 500 bucks which I paid without any argument, Miss K gave her hand too for stamp the one which was not having stamp.

I saw my hand that was written LC means last chance, I thought what an irony this is my first chance in any disco and the disco itself is last chance.

As I entered in I saw a real hell or may be heaven of pleasure, full of hedonists enjoying acoustic, liquor and flash: People rubbing with each other shouting, madly enjoying the colorful light and the perfumed smoke thrown on them. We started dancing: the couple stuck together leaving me and Mayank as free electrons who were dancing in different shells. I was dancing and observing people: I found some women gazing on me specially those who already were with somebody; but some free electrons were also there in girls; May be interested in me, but with the Jaljeera effect was gone how could I even see them. Suddenly I saw a “gay” drunk and half necked tempting guys, then I saw another with bunch of girls; I ran to another corner and thought “movies are mirror of the society is not a wrong saying”.

There I saw a young girl nicely dressed in bunch of four girl friends, she was wearing white, I cant say what was that but no body part (what man usually looks at) was visible either directly or through the cloth, which was different and caught hold of me, but I couldn’t even stare at her because of the Jaljeera effect was gone. After sometime dance took away drink effect form everybody and “Mr. A” proposed a plan of drinking out, because we couldn’t have afforded to be really drunk there.

We took car and again “Mr. A” on wheel and started flying towards Delhi, on the way somebody was asking for lift “Mr. A” took car towards the man and pulled of speedily, the man jumped and fell off and “Mr. A” laughed devilishly and fucked his family with words. I cant understand how one enjoys cursing/ abusing somebody, do they really imagine having sex with other persons family.. what the hell ..fuck off!!!

After a long drive we turned around and parked car: he asked me to get a drink. But I couldn’t see liquor shop; the only shop was small shop with cold drinks and fag. He said go inside, take money in your hand and put it under the shutter. I exactly did the same and guess what! I got bottle Vodka and change back. I took some cold drink, chips and plastic cups too and went back in car.

Mayank was making drinks and everybody was chatting loud and louder with every drink, the English was coming form my mouth with the speed of 125 wpm may be 150 as I guess highest frequency I ever had. There I explored heart of all there people and at heart all are good people, and by the time we finished drink it was already 3 am in the morning. We started back to LC, on the way “Mr. A” felt hungry, we stopped at some “Dhaba” where all had “Paranthas” and tee and then headed towards LC, and he showed me call girls too on way.

After reaching the LC we started dancing again, this time I was really enjoying everything the lights, music, glaring, unfortunately not the rubbing, but the dance a lot. After sometime I saw the same group of girls, this time Vodka was with me so I started first eye contact, I figured out she is interested (my optimistic approach), I went very close to them and slowly started dancing nearby. After sometime I barged in the ring of theirs and asked her:

“Can I join you?” she could not hear. I went close very close to her and asked in her ear “Can I join in?” she nodded in yes. I said in head “Vodka you are god in fact more than god, god never helped me: when I prayed in such or any situation where girls are involved you always rejected my plea”. Now I was dancing with her, wow what a feeling, I started talking to her in loud music for proximity (it makes you lean on her and whisper in ear) and it was happening well, moreover I had started separating her form the bunch of girls. But wherever there starts love the villain comes, god didn’t liked my putting Vodka before him and send some devils in the form of bouncers. They asked me to go out pushing me, seeing their build I dropped the idea of protest, I looked in the eyes of girl, confirmed myself that she was happy and went out.

Why the hell this had to happen to me!! I asked the main bouncer “Lets settle the matter, what is the problem, girl herself asked me to dance with her (vodka is really powerful)”

He said “no discussion, you won’t dance with her means you wont” and went in.

I sat down there and started thinking about my Vodka love (I named it because after having vodka I could approach her):

What would be her name? Her address, her mobile no, and why these buggers are not letting me to be close to her, everything seemed to be mystery. In the mean time all came asking me what happened. I narrated the story of my vodka love; they felt pity on me and consoled me: As well as scared me too saying things can go really wrong in such situation, and asked me to be careful.

I again went in and started searching her, I found her again with her friends rejecting everybody’s request to dance with her (my optimistic perception again): as I went close to her I found wall of bouncers around me, this time I stopped vodka pushing me and just enjoyed glaring at her and being free electron.

We both remain loyal till the time I left “Last Chance” in disappointment, because being free election I couldn’t attract any one, and negatively charged she repelled everybody, as my observation says.

We started driving back to home around 5 am the sun was about to explode and eat up the dark. Badly drunk, exhausted we were running fast under the mercy of Mr A driving. Suddenly he stopped the car, what I saw I couldn’t believe; I rubbed my eyes and came out…….

PC Bhatt….

“The first bouquet of my life”

“The first bouquet of my life”

“A small piece of my writing; very special and close to my heart” I was looking for it in to my diary. Turning very few pages I came across a flower, a rusty one, looking carefully it seemed to be a rose. Now it was rusty black, dried colorless emotionless, I started thinking: It must have been a red one or may be a yellow; String of thought were appearing in my mind, flipping some more pages I got another one and then another. Now I remember clearly; those were once in a bouquet of flower. My mind furtively went in to memories to the “The first bouquet of my life”.

Nov 13, 2007 9:30 pm.

I was on my black Apache in the cold and dark night, on the roads of Mysor, my destination was Kalidas Road, and this is the only place where you can get a flower bouquet in this romantic town specially this time. I was cursing myself “Why these weird ideas come in to your mind? Especially at eleventh hour.” Simultaneously I was prying in head “God please!! Engage the flower boy for some more time, don’t let him close the shop, this is question of my only love.”

Finally I reached the Kalidas Road, after troubling so many people. My first reaction reaching the place: the name of the road should be Kali (The dark) road seeing the scary dark all around and only lamp at the shop.

I reached the shop but stopped at once, thinking in head “What to ask for?” This was the first time I was at flower shop, this was my genuine thinking that flower bouquet or kind of shops are opened only for riches, and the thought was making me nervous. But as my old trick I started observing people the real customers of the flower boy: People in flashy clothes coming out of big cars, asking for big bouquet (which means a Doka of all leaves and flowers).

Doka: A basket made of bamboo sticks used to carry grass for cattle in Uttranchal.

Finally I decided to ask one for my self, the boy showed me many different ready made bouquets in different range. I didn’t like either of them. Because I wanted to make a special one and the one that could fit into my small bag too. I choose two white, two yellow, two red roses, so that it could be complete basket of purity, friendship, and love. And that cost me only seventy five rupees (If I knew it costs only 75 Rs to get one bouquet, I would have given to many people; But the silly prejudice!!!!!). It took him nearly 15 minutes to make my jumbo pack of love, togetherness and friendship. I put it into my tiny bag and flee to my destination, hotel “xyz…”

Hotel “xyz…something”; obviously I don’t remember the name. Who can man!! When your mind is totally lost in her thoughts and heart never comes down below 100 beats. But it is near by famous art gallery where I saw picture of “Almora” my schooling place by some artist. But what grabbed my eyeballs was Buddha on canvas with title “Buddha’s Temptation”. Buddha sitting in meditation pose surrounded by 4-5 women with real 36, 24, 36 figure, may be 38, 24, 38, some necked and some half necked tempting him , one was nearest him with a white transparent piece of clothe, her nipple touching his chest, abut to eat him having libido in her eyes.

Gosh!! How could Buddha control man!

What a great imagination by artist must have been inspired by Kamasutra.

I reached hotel by nearly 10:30 pm, I kept chocolate box in the bag with bouquet, thought of some dialogues to be delivered next day. Next day “November the 14” her birthday; though I can never forget the day but she made it easy to remember sharing birthday with “Chacha Nehru”. I checked my watch, mobile, clothes, keys of my bike and bag having chocolate and “Collection of Best of Ronan Keting” (She loves him, seriously I am so jealous of him, fellow has a gifted vice and looks good too), when everything seemed to be ok; I slept with smile on my face (a nervous one), mumbling her name and thinking of her.

I got up early hurriedly picked by bike and reached to “Infosys Mysore”, where she was. I called her and asked to break out of the boundaries of Infosys, which was the only distance in between us. And here she comes: like a yellow feathered angle. She was looking drop dead gorgeous in that yellow dress. Not wasting time in complimenting her, with a simple hello I paved way to the pillion seat. I took her to the near by temple, middle of nowhere and woods all around, the most peaceful place on earth, however it looked me the most romantic place on earth too.

I gave her bouquet with all the wishes I remembered. She sprung on her tiny toes and kissed me on my right cheek with a thankful smile, I kissed her back on her forehead giving all the blessings. We sat on second step of temple and I opened my bag again to get her chocolate. I peeled the chocolate and offered her; she started nibbling the chocolate deliciously savoring it to deep. I was looking at her “her big beautifully calm eyes, her twice pierced ears, shining stones on them, her childlike excitement covered with serenity.”

I put my right arm around her for intimacy and to steal her form the world, but suddenly somebody rings the bell.

Oh hell man!! It is my alarm.

The dream was gone like a water bubble.

I woke up took bath, meantime the room service came asking me if I would like to have something. I ordered nothing but complained about TV not working, though I was least bothered about it. I brought a glassful of water and kept nearby door, as my mom says its “Shubh” (good omen), I am not superstitious but; you have to be a little in case of heart.

I put on all my gears, “Red tape shoes, Parx black trousers, Numero Uno white shirt, a jacket don’t remember the company but a costly one, 100$ watch gifted by brother, belt again gifted, frameless specks (its must, because it makes you look sophisticated and erudite), a mobile touch screen, (somebody tell J’Lo “Love cost a thing” not a, a lot many thing, seriously its not poor man’s sport). I was ready to go on the mission. I picked up bag, helmet and bike keys and stepped out starring glassful of water. (A good omen created by my own: I stare it as if saying “If anything goes wrong you will be responsible”).

As I started bike somebody splashed water to clean the floor, I reassured myself it being good sigh/omen while starting for any work. My bike was showing 80, 90 sometime 100 km per hour, and I reached the Infosys Mysore sooner than I expected. It was around 7:30 am sun has just knocked the horizon, I parked my bike wrong side (pretty obvious with lost mind), gatekeeper asked me to park it right, which I did without second thought.

Very soon it started coming the convoy of the Infosys buses filled with girls, (who says that India has less number of girls, should come here and see, Infosys has collected beauty of India in one place, all angelic beauties, elated and delighted with I don’t know what but all awesomely gorgeous. Now I firmly believe that Infosys HR team is the best all over the world.)

I was looking for my angel, in the herd of all beauties. Seriously telling it is the most difficult task, especially for a shy guy like me; On the top of it all eyes were on me, all guards staring me eyes wide open as if saying “You bugger!! Don’t dare look at Infosys property.” And all girls glancing me as if saying “Pick me !! pick me!!” (This is my optimistic interpretation of the eye language shared with girls, being only boy well dressed there).

Bus by bus, girls by girls went into that black hole but I did not find her. (Who say that they can smell their girl form miles are biggest liars on earth, I tell you 90% of the girls use similar smelling perfumes or shampoos).

It was high time now. I had to make decision, (with nerve down) somehow get into the black hole or go back home. I said in head (I didn’t rode 300 km bike to go back home baby!!)

I collected the courage and went to a guard, and started in a bit sophisticated way “Excuse me!! I want to meet “ABCXYZ” (I can’t reveal her name here if you want to know call me 9916364183). Can you please let me in for some time?”

“Show me you ID card”, “tell me her hostel details” “her extension and mobile number” he started with all the sentences he had mugged up till date.

I stopped him saying “sir I don’t have all that but I have…..”

He interrupted and said “go to the Sab”

“Sab/Sahab” was a usual guard with idiotic arrogance of being superior there. I asked him “ Sir I have her details, her college details, her birth day, her mobile number (which doesn’t work), her joining date (I forget my joining date but clearly new hers, love makes your memory sharp but only for the girls data)…and I need to wish her birth day today!! Any how!!”

Making pity face, bagging for just 5 minutes visit didn’t work either. On the contrary he started screwing me back. Asking “Who are you? Where are you from? What is the relationship in between you and her? (Man! If you let me make, then only there can exist any relationship I said in head), and similar questions.

I answered few of and came back on track “Sir, Please let me in for only 5 minutes.” As I expected he did not allow me. Thank god bomb blast was not so common thing in Inida that time otherwise he would have scrutinized me and checked my bag too.

Now the futile struggle episode was over: I was stranded with a bag with “The first bouquet of my life” and no hope to barge through the wall and a starving stomach.

I went in search of food on my bike, found a Dhaba at the construction site near-by. I had stomach full of rice, sabji, dal , only in 10 Rupees.: This is real India; Bloody Bangalore, fried rice for 100 Rs, Dal for 60 Rs, Sabji for 60Rs, minimum and tip extra. It sucks!!

After I had my rich lunch, I kicked my bike, with no destination in mind but working on a plan: How to break into that shell of Infosys. I took my bike off road in sandy road parked it somewhere, sat on a mound; I started watching every passers-by, starring sun, glaring horizon and studying every living being around, like ants insects, birds, human beings, and even buses, asking myself “What is their destination?” (First time I explored my potential to become a philosopher).

After sometime I picked up bike and went to get lost into woods. There I found the temple; the same temple which I saw in my dream, big, beautiful clean. I parked my bike, took off my shoes, went in and sat on the floor. I sat there for some time, mean time the priest came and gave me prasadam. I donated 10Rs in the charity box making sure he is seeing me, so that he shouldn’t have any problem if I take shelter there.

Looking around the place I found that Infosys boundary wall was not very far; but the wall seemed to be around 10 fit tall, on the top of it netted nailed wire was guarding it may be current on it too. (God! is it any corporate building or a jail).

I first tried meditation, it didn’t work: I wonder how you can be thoughtless. Then I started looking for a book I could go through to kill the time, but for my surprise all the books I could see in self were in Kannada (I could only read omega in that language), searching whole lot of books finally my eyes captured a book in English.

“Bhagavath Githa” (reaching south India Gita becomes Githa as here there is no “t” only “th” like sitha, githa, prashanth) by some swami xyznand which I don’t remember now: My only motto was to pass my time and negative emotions, so I picked the Githa and started turning pages: First time I saw Gita this thin so my instinct “read least and pass” motivated me to read it too.

Initially I was looking for the verses I knew like “Karmanewa dhikaraste, Yada yada hi dharmasya” but it was quite disappointing to know that the verses are somewhere in middle of the book. Till the day for me Githa was a book of poems but as I hooked into book I became more religious, more spiritual and more devoted. In fact when I read:

Shri Bhagavanowach:

“Parth, hato wa prapyasi swargam, jetwa wa bhogyasi mahim,

Tasmadutistha kontey, yudhaya krit nishchaya”

I herd in my head Lord Krishna saying:

“Prakash, Caught o wa prapyasi jailam, got through wa prapyasi ABCXYZim,

tasmadutitha nandiy jump walam krit prayasam.’

After dipping deep into Gita I reached my favorite one:

KarmanyewaDhikarate Ma Falesu Kadachana,

Ma Karmfal heturbhu ma te sangotsa karmani”

“Doing is in your hand, not the result: So why you think of the domain which is not even in your right, you have no changing there, so if you want to change something, change the course of your action.”

Wow! What a great saying; I thought I have got “Gyan”, felt that it was the day fixed to elevate myself, what a great feeling being Godhead or near by it.

After I finished book, I kicked my bike, it was same as earlier so I confirmed myself being human being not godhead, and controlled my hand on accelerator to be on earth not to be literally lifted.

I reached hotel, a bit hungry with same bag but with “Gyan”. I had my dinner and reminded verse myself

“ Karmanyewa ….”

I picked up my mobile and called Infosys Mysor numbers, all I had collected form internet. From one to another extensions I reached very close to the Girl Hostel but the receptionist did not let me talk to her saying there are many girls by the same name: I felt like saying “You bloody! But all the girls would not be born today and celebrating birth day” but I concede. (I am sure had it been a boy he would have transferred the call but girls: they hit you when you are soft). By the time my mind had done all the permutation and combination and brought Arun’s name before my eyes. I call up Arun (intimate friend of mine) “Arun I want her working number, right now” , not talking much we hung up.

After an hour or so my cell started ringing again, it was Arun and he gave me two numbers, stating at least one should be working. (I still don’t now how he collected the numbers, how much trouble he took for it).

Finally with thumping heart around 11 pm, I made a call to her. She accepted the wishes (girls are good at accepting, specially gifts and wishes), things went smooth for few moments and I asked her out.

She said “I don’t meet strangers!!”

(The sentence looks so simple here but that ripped my heart away bleeding into pieces)

At first I though of eating chocolates but seeing the price tag and heart conditions I couldn’t. Then I threw “The first bouquet of my life” into dustbin, and tried to catch some sleep. Later on I thought why to punish innocent flowers for somebody’s heartless rudeness. I picked them up gently put them into the same water glass, filled to make good luck sign in the morning, and went to sleep. They were alive when I put them into my bag to go back to Bangalore next day.

When I reached Bangalore, my bike was reading around six hundred and something kilometers. I looked it carefully and kissed it: It was with me in my thick and thin, 4 days and 3 nights, in all woods, in off road, on highways, in busy streets, running dead slow, running at its full speed. Still no complain, I was bonded with it like nothing else. It was always with me, never said “I don’t meet strangers”.

I went in and put flower of “The first bouquet of my life” into my diary; tore of the beautiful packing of Mr. Ronan ketings collation and put it into my laptop and the fellow started singing “I'm no Superman But I'll love you the best I can” but my mind wasn’t there it went to the verse of Gita the words started flashing before my eyes.

“ye yatha ma prapadhante tastathev bhajamyaham,

mam vatmarnuvartante manushya parth sarvasha.”

“By whichever path the people reach me I welcome them because all path form every side which men take are mine”

I don’t know what is the destiny of a flower, or what purpose it serve but if the flower needs to be seen, touched, smelt, remembered, I gave them their destiny with unforgettable journey on the road and in the heart. “These flowers will be the testimony of “The first bouquet of my life” in my diary and my heart forever”.

PC Bhatt..

The Journey “ Unforgettable”

The Journey “ Unforgettable” :

Hanging from the door of the huge bus I was wanting to bid her good bye: In fact I was willing to go after her, I was waiting for her to turn around and wave hand for me till the time she was in my sight, and my hand got tired of bearing load of body and shocks of the bus. I felt something wet coming in my eyes and making my sight more blur, but she did not turn. Though her feet went slow, might be my optimistic imagination to make myself comfort.

I went striding to my seat, and got lost in memories:

Before around four hours:

This is the month of June it being my nomadic nature I am visiting my all relatives these holidays. After seeing my uncle Delhi it is time to see another uncle in Chandigarh.

I get into a bus, always prefer to sit in the last seat, because if nobody comes, I can sleep off, but never been fortunate whole the way.

Sitting on last seat wearing white hood t-shirt and jeans, chain and all weird things, keeping log hair wishing any beautiful girl to sit beside me and ….(So high expectations ..Eh!)

After the bus is about full, there comes a girl not drop dead by definition, not fair as I am, but tall and having strange cuteness in her face. She is wearing green yellow Kurta and Patiyala Salawar (the only type I know , because of Patiyala peg..!) , flat sandals , white Chunari.

My heart started thumping; I shrink myself so that she sits with me. She comes with kind of impatience and vulnerability near me, but sits with an aunty with kid just next to me. (Sh** but….Fair enough security is priority middle of the night for girls.)

I am resting on my seat, trying to have her glimpse, and trying to establish connection through eyes but futile, she doesn’t turn my side, nor she talks to the lady, calm like deep water, people may say expression less but I find it interesting. (Moreover bit insulting: A handsome boy is sitting next to you and not turning once to him, I think only Salman, John come under my category because of my friends flattering and praise of my body all that …but its ok). Whatever I was not getting what I always wish a beautiful girl sharing my seat.

I sleep off thinking all that stuff, so the other passengers. Don’t know how much time passed but I hear a ear piercing cry, generating form girls side, ( Oh hell.!!! The kid is showing his presence): I am irritated so is the girl as well as all passengers. Somehow I manage to sleep.

In a short while I feel a little heat on my left hand, it is perfect contrast; my right body is freezing because of bus window and left side warm. What serendipity..!!!, she is sitting with me quite close. (Thank God..!!)

What I see: My shy nature is overtaking me, I am quite sweating inside. My vulnerability is palpable. In the dark bus everyone sleeping, my condition is known to me and god or probably to her, but still no reaction from her. Night is passing and I feel a strange radiation coming form her which was mesmerizing me.

First time my all wild thoughts about a girl in my vicinity vaporize. All what is coming in my mind is I just want to be in this trans and time should freeze.

Some times lamppost light is getting soaked by her glowing face, I pretend sleep and steal glimpse of sleeping beauty. (God please don’t wake her up).

After sometime my heart beats get normal and darkness of night reaches to its peak, my eyelids get heavy and I sleep off. I dream something and wake up feeling some hot soft thing in my hand. I see her hand on my left thigh and my hand over hers.

First time in my life I touch any girl, and who is strange to me, all inadvertently. I say in my head “Don’t girl have bones in hand, she is so dam soft” I could feel the rhythmic beets of her heart on her hand. (But What the hell happened to my heart: why it is speeding up). Unfortunately she pulls off her hand leaving my heart unattended.

I again close my eyes, but after some times she puts her head on my shoulder, her hot breathe hitting my neck. It tickles, but somehow I control so that she doesn’t wake up. Now my eyes don’t support me and start getting closed, soon after the situation is: her head on my shoulder and my head on hers. I am half asleep, the fragrance of her hair intoxicating me, and our head are colliding with the bumps of bus. I feel like in heaven.

I don’t know what happened but now I feel her breath on my face and our nose is colliding: I do not courage to open my eyes. (Why should you drop yourself form heaven).

Time passes on and once my nose doesn’t collide but a part of my lip touches hers instead: we both do not wake up. (I think we didn’t want to)

The intimacy goes on and her hot lips tenderly land up on mine. I reach to my ecstasy acme. My hot blood is reaching to every part of my body, ears are red hot, and can feel the thumping of heart at any where form head to toe.

Our lips are gently locked together, the bumps of the bus fails to break that soft but strong bond. (First time I feel lips have better work to do than just being gates of stomach)

Every part of my body is frozen so is hers; this bond is ephemeral I know, but I don’t want to break till doom day. But truth start percolating through and the cruel time starts shaking bond and the distances between our lips grows from millimeters to centimeters to the inches. I want to embrace her into my arms forever, but my hands do not move. I want to talk to her, but my lips are tight. I want see her, see her in front of me forever but my eyes do not open. With all these thought in my mind some hormones are rushing into my body, mind doesn’t know what to do. Finally heart decides to cry, without intimidating mind, but my eyelids are wide enough to keep the salt water flood.

Sun knocks at my window with pink red rays to get me out of Trans. I prefer to see rosy face rather pink light of dawn. I am wishing “God please don’t wake her up”.

My wishes are not strong enough I think: the bus stops suddenly and there start commotion on bus; conductor starts shouting some “ ….Path …sonipath panipath don’t know “ I am still lost in her.

She wakes up sees me: I want to see that love in her eyes; I give her a smile, but no reply form her in fact no expressions. She combs her hair with fingers, I like it but falling hair on her one side of face liked more.

She scurries and goes to the gate; I can’t stop my self and follow her. She gets down I am hanging form front door. She starts walking with beautiful gait, lost in her I block the gate, some uncle says “ Beta utaroge kya?” . I hang myself on one hand giving him way.

Bus honks horn and start moving slowly. I see her blur and more blur with my wet eyes, this time one drop couldn’t control her and falls form my right eye.

I think of shouting “ Oh hell…!!! I don’t even know her name” I go back to my seat.

I think in bus “four hours of long journey and you fool could not talk to her even single word, at least you could have asked her name, her number, where she belongs to ..any thing”

Reaching to uncle’s place she is still in my mind…..

Even today If I think of that journey a I feel something in my blood pumping machine. …

Pc Bhatt

Note: Protagonist is not me but its true story.

प्रकाश का आ्ह्वान ..

ये उमस ये अधूरापन,

कुछः रोये खडे से,

कूछ आखे रुआसू,

ना गिरता पानी,

न सम्हले पलको से ही

कुछ याद भी नही,

पर कुछ याद आ रहा,

खिची हुइ मुस्कान

पर हसी का नाम नही

ये बदली सि लगी चहु ओर

श्याम से श्यामल करने निशा,

ये तेरा चरम हे अन्धेरा

ये सीम है सन्नाटे की

ये घुटन का अन्तिम हे प्रहार,

अब तो अरुन का होना है आगमन 

तुम ना सह सकोगे उसे 

करो प्रस्थान ए रात के दूत..

ले चलो सन्ग ये धुन्ध, ये निराश, ये निश्वास .

मॆ करू आह्वान प्रकाश...

Monday 22-09-08

Monday: 

22-09-08:

Time:  5:49 pm

There is so much of turbulence inside, strange commotion: Sitting on my cozy bed after my late lunch, I am thinking. I pick up the pencil and paper and start scraping on it. 

                                             I am thinking, thinking wide, thinking deep: thinking of the day till this time: I see surging emotions, anxiety, fear, all sorts of negative thoughts. I bring my mind clock back to morning 6 O’clock, the first time I opened my eyes hearing irritating sound of my alarm in my mobile. I had beautiful dreams; in one dream I won the swimming among friends, in another I saw snake, water, all the things my mom call Hari (god). According to her morning dreams always turn true; when you see Hari (snake, monkey, water, dog and all sort of green thing) it is good for your coming day.

                              I thank mom “Wow no Monday morning blues, thanks mom.” Today there is no office (as I worked on Sat& Sunday), what else you could ask for on Monday. I keep my mobile on silent mode and cover my self form toe to head. One of my friends sent me a mail last day saying “Everyday is gift of god, some gifts are exiting, some don’t turn up the way you think it will.” I think I would rather open up my gift later today and stick to bed. 

      Around 11 O’ clock Josh Da (my roomy) bid me good bye. I turn around, and think it is right time to open up gift now. I get up and see my cell blinking alerts, I check it is a missed call, Let me open it “1 missed call from Rupa”. “Mom you can never be wrong..!!” Again I get an alert again “2 messages” let us open inbox “ Rupa and Shashi”. Now I believe in my friend mail about gifts. 

 Before moving ahead a little introduction: Ladies first…..!

( Rupa: I believe she is intimate and one of the most respected friends of mine. The only person who knows all about futile and idiotic things I did to just talk to a girl I fell in love with. She is complete fun; I never think before I speak to her I always say “Ke Fark Penda Hai” a person everybody would want to have in his/her life. I love her , however I am not in love with her.

 

Shashi: My friend come colleague in IBM, really nice person. With whom I worked on a tool to increase the efficiency of the Engineers, we worked on it on last Friday and submitted to the management, we were expecting an overwhelming response form the management.)

                   

 There is no doubt in my mind which one to choose first, even ladies first makes her sms obvious choice. 

She writes “Don’t dare to call& send me sms ever”

I rub my eyes twice and read it again, but the bloody content doesn’t get changed. 

Somehow I recover and do courage to open up another message.

Shashi writes: “Aree Prakash. No response from leads da. He he he :-@”

I literally smile on the way he has conveyed the message. A typical south Indian way.

                          

  I get on to work with heavy heart 1st reply to Rupa. 

“I need to talk to u….

will call u later in d evening….”

To Shashi:

  “No problem…..our job is done”  I meant we did our work rest is up to them.

I am about to get up. I get a call from “Rupa”.

She:  “May I talk to Prakash please”. (So formal today)

I:  “U are welcome mam” (in a very heavy way …morning without brushing)

She: “Tumane mujhe samajh kya rakha hai” (???)

I: “ha…?” 

She: what do u think of yourself? (Real kali mata avatar)

I: “ Wo…main …ha…” ( Dil chahata hai”s Saif flashes before me)

She: “Aaaj se mujhe call bhe mat karana na sms hi” (I love her Bangali accent but now no bangali accent pure hindi …????)

I: “Let me …!!!!!!!!!!!!”

She: “Tum jaise ladako ko main ….(old hackneyed comment) 

          Kya smajah ke raat ko 12 baje SMS kiya …bla bla.. .

          main waise …bla bla 

            my family ..bla bla …your family  bla bla …

  ….Tum pata nahi kya….bla bal ..”

(will she ever stop).

I: “ let me explain. It that is my mistake I am sorry. But ...”

She : “Our relation is over finish , khatam …main tum jaise ladako se koi matalb nahi ..bla bla …..” (tum जaise ..???)

I: “What do u mean by “Tum Jaise”. Listen, if you say it is finished it is , but mujhe badnam to mat karo , At least have the image the world thinks about me. …\...”

She hangs up.

I: “There are the instances…Hello …hello …” beep… beep sound and a deep silence.

I go to the bathroom take brush and look at myself in the mirror brushing and thinking about the instances:

Her shouting sound is still echoing in my ear. I finish the brushing and again go to the bed picking up the news paper.

                    As Rupa believes in horoscope I think of checking it out:

It writes: “Past mistakes can be resolved ….

                 Contact with others, you will find most challenging task is effortless, life will be balance ….bla bla …” and so many good things. 

Now I believe in saying “If you believe all what you read you better stop reading”

Again I am in the bathroom, it has become thinking cube for me today.

I recite poetry:

्रहिमन धागा प्रेम का , मत ्तोडो ्चट्काय

तोडे फ़िर ना जु्डे , जुडे गाठ पडि जाय”   

Moreover I am thinking “It is not my mistake, nor I am responsible, I used to send her sms with my weird philosophy before also, just to make her laugh. This time it was just bit late.” 

I am not much worried abut the broken bond; I know it going to alleviate with some time and tears. I was virtually ready instead. But why this sentence is eating me, why there is hammer blow once it hits my mind “ Tum Jaise Ladke”

Tum Jaise Ladake: “ It is a direct challenge to my character, my family, my friend, my thinking for that matter everything related to me” 

                        I don’t know how to react on it, a flood of hormones rushes inside me, heart is baffled, and mind is numb. 

It is now 12 Noon. 

                             I start typing her message: “u have totally mistaken me as I don’t know what, but I have pious image of  ur’s. We shared a great relationship, if it had to come to an end it could be far better way. This might be the girls way of doing things …

Any ways I get time to talk to people after 10 or 11 in the evening. ..u felt it odd , I am extremely sorry …

               For the god sake  don’t bring my or ur family in between, ..

Tumako mujh pe gussa hai, mujh par galiya nikalo , mujh par chillao , mujhe maro ..sorry the last one is not applicable …ye dare ware wale message karane ki kya jarurat hai….

…..

I was wondering you have a problem with my call/sms, …..the time I do..or the contant of the messages….

Madam ji Monday ko aap hi mana karati hai call karane ko….

Agar manager ka guss mujh par nikal rahi hai to ye bat acchi nahi ..

I wish you a pure mind and 

Healthy heart ..

Good day …”

There is emotional imbalance, I smile, I get filled with anger, I feel guilty….

After the sms I go for hunting food, I open fridge, but my roomies are not generous enough to keep something left-out for me. 

                   Someday knocks at the door: I open “Oh aunty aap”(our maid). She starts cleaning room and doing dishes. I switch on the television, some comedy serials are coming, I find none funny. 

          It is almost an hour now, aunty has done all the chores and leaving for the day. I am not on my peace, I go to the bed, and the thought starts hammering me again.

“Who am I?”

“What is my type?’ 

“What is my character?”

“What are my values?”

I am turning paranoiac now “Is there anything wrong with the values and the philosophy I have been nursing these years?”

 I turn the pages of newspaper, “no news is good news today and of no good” I say in my head. 

       

I think of cooking, as it is the best stress buster according to Alok Da (my roomy a great cook indeed), I do not look for magi or sup. Rather I go to the fridge pick up pumpkin (लो्की) some tomato, some pomegranate (अनार) and “Mausami(््मोसमी)”. I start chopping “लो्की” after playing song on my mobile. It started “ सोचा नही था ्तकदीर यहा लायेगि..” sad song form Kaante , it was just a random selection by the mobile but the it confirmed me that it is really not my day.

             While I am chopping the vegetables I get a miss call, it is my sister. I call her back; she wants to remind me that I promised her phone bills. I have to recharge her phone: 

         ( Oh Sh##..!!!! It is 8 o clock and I did not do recharge for her. I m going to do it right now…..

               To be continued ….)

I pick up the bike come to reaching the recharge shop:

I: “Sir BSNL का रिचा्र्ज कुपन देना..”

Him :”101 Rs sir”

I: “ All over India chalega na”

Him : नही सर , ्नम्बर कहा का है i “

I: “ Uttranchal Ka”

Him :” Sir ्नही ्चलेगा”

Now it is approved Today is not meant for me. 

Back to 3:30 pm :

I treat my sister as a kid; she would be the last parson whom I go to take any advice form. While talking to her she senses I am not in good. She inquires so I tell her “Somebody said bad about me, for sending sms”. 

I just ask:

“Is it that bad to send sms around 12”

She quietly says “How would you feel if somebody; though my friend sends me sms or calls me middle of the night”

 Before she could finish my hot fluid starts hitting my mind.

I say “I will bang him right before you” 

She says: “it’s so simple, Say sorry to her”

I think in my mind “What…????????” (no support form anywhere..poor me)

She continues: “I can’t bear anybody saying any bad abut my brother” 

I think deeper “Does this make sense..? 

                          Yes it does….” 

Now there is complete shift of paradigm, my thinking is going reverse. I start feeling guilty. I should say sorry, yes it is right…..

 

                     

   After her call, I pick up Anar and open up it to get seeds out to have juice. I assemble grinder to have it grinded; it was a one hand operating grinder. Now I am grinding hard, I feel like pulling my heart away and grind it too, but the solid ribs stopped me doing so …

After Anar it was “mausamis” turn. I am pouring all my stress in it, and I feel coking is really a good stress buster, suddenly the grinding stops not because it is done but because of grinder breaks down. It is re stamping on the point that the day is not mine.

                                      I laugh and drink all the juice with all pulp and the seeds. I see my vegetable is ready “लॊकी की ्सब्जी” I pick up few pieces and taste it. It is worst I have ever cocked, though I have burned vegetables many times but that tasted better than this. What is wrong …!! Salt, turmeric, spices, or simply the time. 

I loiter here and there for some time and pick up Sunday times, let us see want is written for the coming week in horoscope. It writes:

 “This will be truly fine week in which you will find satisfaction in all spheres, work, family love and marriage. You gain at home and work; you will develop an understanding and report with people who are part of your personal think tank, this causes an energizing effort on both money matters and affairs of the heart.” 

              A single line of good fortune cause me this trouble: how I am going to handle this week god only knows:

            Great people say “if you don’t correct your mistake, you are committing another”

           Now I am going to say sorry to Rupa if she picks up the call.

           Let us c……..

पी ्सी भट्ट .....